Perfection is a Lie

TIP: WALK IT LIKE YOU TALK IT

We ended last night’s chat encouraging you to not wait for the perfect moment to start putting what we’ve discussed into action. So, I thought this post could be reflective. Take some time to sit with your spouse and discuss what works best for your relationship. Here are some questions to consider for the discussion:

1. Intimacy

   • What makes you feel connected to me?

   • How can I be more vulnerable and open with you?

   • How consistent are we with spending quality time together, just you and me? Do we need to switch it up?

2. Money

   • How does it make you feel to talk about money?

   • Are there ways I can better bring up money issues?

   • What do you think about the “personal account” system?

   • When was the last time we looked at a budget? Do we have a system for regularly checking in on the flow of our money?

   • How much money could we access in an emergency?

   • In order to save more, what expenses can we cut? What other income streams could we create?

   • Does the debt snowball or debt avalanche method work best for our family?

   • What are some of our big financial goals?

   • Where are we at on our estate planning? This includes life insurance, powers of attorney, wills, trusts, etc.

   • Should we reach out to a financial planner for the parts we don’t know how to navigate?

3. Communication

   • How does my communication style make you feel?

   • What process works best for you when we need to have a hard conversation?

   • What’s your love language?

   • What’s your enneagram number?

   • What do you think about joint calendars or shared notes? What are other systems that work well for us?

So, go ahead and plan it! When can the two of you sit down within the next week or so to work toward improving your marriage? This exercise could make for a fun date night/lunch (wink)!

You have on those rose-colored glasses…

SINGLE SPIN: I ended the last post encouraging you not to settle. Now for the balance: don’t wait for the perfect person either! I wrote a journal entry when I was 16 entitled “MY MAN.” One of the most important traits my future husband needed to have was height. Specifically, “taller than me when I’m in my highest heels” haha! I remember the moment I first saw Terry. There was an INSTANT attraction. Something about him just mesmerized me. And then I thought, “… but he’s not tall!” What if I had let that get in the way? Maybe there’s something you’re hung up on that really isn’t that serious. There are certainly deal breakers when it come to character issues, but be open to this guy or gal being out of the box!

I started this journal when I was 12. Reading through it now is hilarious and terrifying and beautiful. I planned to post the “My Man” journal entry, but, it’s just… too much hahahaha

DATING DOSE: When you’re boo’d up, it’s easy to sink into the romantic comfort of baeville. This person is just everything you’ve ever loved about anything, and you just want to be with them and forget everything else. You have on those rose-colored glasses, and it could be hard to see any imperfection. Here’s a good practice: get around other people. Have your mentor, close friend, aunt, pastor, someone you respect hang with them a few times — and ask for their honest opinion. Not so that they can point out all of their flaws, but so you can ensure there aren’t any red flags that are blinded by love. Important: if your significant other consistently pushes back on hanging with you in group settings or wanting to be around your people, take caution. This is not an attack on introverts – I almost always prefer to be in my pajamas at home. However, when you’re getting to know someone, a big part of who they are is who they hang around. It’s a way to see them in their natural element when they aren’t “flexing” for you. How do their friends interact with them? How consistent is what they say and how they act when you’re alone versus when they’re around their people.