The Parent Trap
TIP: “FIND YOUR VILLAGE. LOVE THEM HARD.”
I can name five families who would pick up the phone anytime, day or night, if I was in a bind and needed help. After giving birth to Trenton, one of these families brought us homemade meals that were (1) dairy-free and (2) particularly helpful for recovery after giving birth. They also brought us several individually wrapped gifts “from Trenton” to his older brother, Terry, to help him be more receptive to the new addition. All of this communicated, “We want to help you. We know you need to eat. We care about your family’s dietary restriction. And, Mama, we are particularly aware of both your physical and emotional needs right now.”
All of the tears.
It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I’d ever received. During a very vulnerable time, they went the extra mile. It wasn’t about the physical gifts; it was knowing they were there for us in a meaningful way. I want to be that kind of friend to my village.
Many feel they don’t have this type of community and don’t know where to start. However, in talks with other moms about this, we almost always find there is a friend or family member who has offered to watch the kids, but maybe our pride (I can do it all!) or fear (What if something bad happens?) or control issues (They may not do everything right.) stop us from leaning into our village. Love is an exchange. You give and you receive. You receive. You allow people you trust into that sacred place in your heart and give them some space to love you back.
“Your vibe attracts your tribe.” When it comes to your village, it shouldn’t feel forced or one-sided. You shouldn’t be taken advantage of or trying to convince yourself to hang out with these people. You should click. You should leave their presence refreshed.
Establish a Personal Board of Advisors
No kids yet? Two things:
(1) Start building your village now. Don’t wait until you are completely empty and need it the most to begin establishing those strong bonds.
(2) Be gracious with your parent friends. I can’t tell you how many times I thought, “When I have kids I’ll never…” And here I am giving my toddler a phone to keep quiet on a plane or snacks for dinner.
As this is the final post of our Seven Sessions series, I want to leave one last encouragement, regardless of your relationship status: Establish a Personal Board of Advisors. Whether you’re single, dating or married, have a small group of people you trust who will check in with you on your goals, career, family, self care, etc. Accountability is powerful.
